職場(chǎng)幽默英語(yǔ)故事
身在外企就好像站在國(guó)境線上，一半在中國(guó)，一半在外國(guó)。閱讀職場(chǎng)幽默英語(yǔ)故事，有助于大家舒緩壓力。
1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用
The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film. When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them, “you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?” “I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered. “It’s not worth seeing.” “I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said. “Wake the child up and let him cry.”
一對(duì)夫婦帶著他們 3 歲的兒子去看電影。進(jìn)電影院時(shí)，服務(wù)員對(duì)他們說(shuō)： “如果你們的兒子 哭了，你們就得出去。不過(guò)我們會(huì)給你們退票的。 ”大約半個(gè)小時(shí)以后，丈夫?qū)ζ拮诱f(shuō)： “你 覺(jué)得這電影怎么樣?” “我從沒(méi)看過(guò)這么沒(méi)勁的電影。 ”妻子回答說(shuō)， “真不值得看�！拔乙� ” 不喜歡看。 ”丈夫說(shuō)： “叫醒孩子，讓他哭。 ”
2、What a Smart Wife 家有笨妻
A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her husband came home. "What's up? Why do you look so troubled?" the husband asked. The woman replied, "I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and
burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said, "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."
"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair," the wife responded.
有一個(gè)剛結(jié)婚的太太，坐在椅子那邊，看起來(lái)很懊惱，她先生回家看到她這個(gè)樣子，就 問(wèn)： ‘嗨，你怎么啦?為什么看起來(lái)這么懊惱呢?’太太說(shuō)： ‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西裝褲 被我燙壞了， 燙成一個(gè)洞了。 他先生說(shuō)： ’ ‘啊! 那個(gè)沒(méi)關(guān)系啦! 我還有另外一件一樣的褲子。 ’ 她說(shuō)： ‘是啊，還好我把那件新的拿出來(lái)補(bǔ)那件被我燙壞的。 ’
3、Endearing terms 可愛(ài)的稱呼
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago." Bernie 應(yīng)邀來(lái)到他的朋友 Morris 家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie 發(fā)現(xiàn)，不管問(wèn)他老婆什么問(wèn) 題，Morris 總要在每句話的前面加上一些親密的稱呼，象蜜糖，我的愛(ài)人，親愛(ài)的，甜心等 等。Bernie 對(duì) Morris 說(shuō)， “你們夫妻倆真夠親密的，結(jié)婚這么多年了，你還叫她叫得那么親 密。 ”Morris 低下頭，小聲地對(duì) Bernie 說(shuō)， “老實(shí)跟你說(shuō)吧，三年前我忘記老婆的真名是什 么了。 ”
4、Are you a normal person?你是正常人嗎?
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug." 參觀一所精神病院的時(shí)候一個(gè)參觀者問(wèn)院長(zhǎng)， “你們是用什么標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來(lái)決定一個(gè)人是否應(yīng)該被 關(guān)進(jìn)精神病院呢?” “呃… …”院長(zhǎng)說(shuō)， “是這樣，我們先給一個(gè)浴缸放滿水，然后我們 給病人一個(gè)調(diào)茶匙，一個(gè)茶杯和一個(gè)水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。 “噢，我明白了” 參 ” ，
觀者說(shuō)。 “一個(gè)正常人會(huì)選擇水桶， 因?yàn)樗氨炔璩祝璞捏w積大。 “錯(cuò)了”“院長(zhǎng)回 ” ， 答” “正常人會(huì)把浴缸塞子拔掉” 。
5、老虎來(lái)了
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?" His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you." 兩個(gè)男人正在穿過(guò)叢林，突然，一只老虎出現(xiàn)在遠(yuǎn)處，向他們沖來(lái)。 其中的一個(gè)人從包里拿出一雙“耐克”鞋，開(kāi)始穿上。另一個(gè)人驚奇地看著他說(shuō)， “你以為 穿上這個(gè)就可以跑得過(guò)老虎嗎?” 他的朋友回答道： “我不用跑得過(guò)它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。 ”
6、Another 40 Years to live 再活 40 年
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you." 一名中年婦女心臟病突發(fā)被送到了醫(yī)院， 在手術(shù)臺(tái)上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 于 是，她問(wèn)上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說(shuō)， “還沒(méi)有，你還能活 43 年，2 個(gè)月零 8 天。 身體快要康復(fù)的時(shí)候，這名女士想到自己還要活那么多年，得好好對(duì)待自己，于是決 ” 定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后還做了一個(gè)腹部拉皮和其它一些 美容美體手術(shù)。 她甚至還請(qǐng)人到醫(yī)院里面幫她頭發(fā)給染了。 做完最后一個(gè)手術(shù)，這位女 士出院了， 但就在過(guò)馬路的時(shí)候，她被一輛風(fēng)馳電摯趕回醫(yī)院的救護(hù)車給撞死了。 再一 次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問(wèn)上帝， “我記得你說(shuō)我還能再活 40 年?” 上 帝回答， “那個(gè)時(shí)候我沒(méi)認(rèn)出你來(lái)” 。
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